I have added a section to the Documents page of the website. Under the section labeled "Student Work" there is a part of a writing piece that a student wants constructive feedback on. If you get a chance, read his piece and post some feedback here...
If you have any writing you would like feedback on, just email it to me and I can post your work either on the website or directly here on the blog.
35 comments:
why would we do that? we would just get bad feedback from you becuase "perfect" reley means perfect with you and no one is.
I guess it would help with reports though: we can get closer to being perfect!!!!!
I agree with Ryan, because you think that you are the most important person in the world, and that you are the most 'PERFECT' ever which in most cases, your not! Therefore, I don't know if it's a good idea!
But, something good that could come out if it could be learning from our mistakes! A step closer to being prefect supposedly like the magic HORVY!
I think that the piece was very well written. It had a lot of details and description that helped me picture how the sand felt on his feet and how the dunes looked. I wish that the story would have continued and then we could find out if he ever made it out of the desert and if he was robbed by the bandits. He went on talking about them a lot but he never put them in the story. If he wanted to tell us about them then they should have actually appeared in the story or he should have just described something else.
I agree with Ryan and panthers502, because we would put up our best work and feel so proud just to have someone else say bad remarks about it. We might learn new tricks but like panthers502 says, A step closer to being prefect supposedly like the magic HORVY! We would learn from the mistakes but will feel discouraged from the bad remarks.
LOL MAGIC HORVY!
I think that it would be a good short story if he wrote a little bit more. It seems like it was really well written but then you just stopped writing. I thing that your story would be cooler if there was a huge fight scene or if he finds something really cool. Also, I wish that you gave a background story about why he was in the desert. The potential for a good story but it is just lacking the finishing touch that would make it really interesting.
I think that this is a good start for a short story. You wrote a piece of suspense, tragedy, there was information, and you had a good clincher. This was a very good piece of writing.
@ Muffin Man 101
I disagree because not knowing anything else but what's going on makes me want to know more and read what happens next.
I think this could be a really good beginning for a short story. The whole plot of roaming the dessert kind of reels you in and wants you to read more. I think if this person took this writing piece a few steps forward and actually made it a short story, it would be very interesting, and the tone could be easily identified. All in all, I think this is a great starting point for a really great story in the end.
I think this could be a really good beginning for a short story. The whole plot of roaming the dessert kind of reels you in and wants you to read more. I think if this person took this writing piece a few steps forward and actually made it a short story, it would be very interesting, and the tone could be easily identified. All in all, I think this is a great starting point for a really great story in the end.
@Muffin Man,
I agree with you. If this person wrote a bit more and introduced the bandits and a little more background, it would be an amazing short story. The person really did stop writing, and whether they wanted it to end like that or not, I think you and I both agree that more information and plot line would be really beneficial to the story. all in all, I think we are on the same page about this little blurb of a story.
Just letting you guys know, the story is to be continued. Thanks for your feedback so far. I am still working on the rest of the story.
Awesome job! However, if you added a little bandit/protagonist sword fighting, that could really add a little spice to your peice. Alot of the other people commenting on your peice seem to want a fighting scene, or a little more detail on the notorious bandits. Therefore, to improve your already fanstastic story, you should add in a battle scene between the protagonsit and the bandits.
@panther502
I think that you should really reconsider what you say, especially on the Internet. Contrary to what you think about the author of A Man In the Desert, I don't think that when he wrote his story, he was thinking about how perfect his writing was. In fact, he asked OUR opinion of what WE thought about his peice in order to gain perspective on his own peice. Therefore, when the author of A Man In the Desert wrote, that story, he was not displaying his peice so everybody could see how perfect his writing was, he did that to improve his own peice by valuing our opinions.
@u don't know me
I think that your wrong. I think that panter502 is saying what she believes and I think she's on the right track and that you put your best work on the website to show off your amazing writing.
Actually, I posted my work to try to find out what others think about it, in order to develop it more into a better piece of writing. I do not know why you would think a person would post it in order to show others how great they are, that is the total opposite idea. Also, If they think it was perfect, wouldn't they put on their name to get credit? Ps, Check out this website for a updated version. I am still in the process of writing more...
Just click on my name...
I think the story is very good. The author used a lot of detail and I really enjoyed that. For example the sentence, " There were miles upon miles of those small golden particles" seemed like a very developed sentence. The author could have just said, there was a lot of sand. But instead he tried using something more interesting. The detail in the story made it very enjoyable. I could feel the tiredness the character felt. The imagery was excellent. All in all this was a very good writing piece and I would like to read more from this author.
@AVgleek17
I have to disagree with you on the point you made about making this piece into a longer story. In my opinion the story was the perfect length. The story was a snap shot. Hence the length of only being one page. The author was describing one moment and personally that is enough. The author put in such good detail and imagery that it was okay it was only one page. Also if the author started writing a short story where would it end. I feel like it would be really hard to extend the story without making it to long and tedious. Personally I would think it would be a little too hard to develop a character and plot line in the desert in the short amount of time you have to complete a short story.
I thought that the writing was kind of confusing I Thought that it was confusing because it was not very smooth. Well to me. This is important because the next time that you write something think about it first before you write it down.
@ Isabelle I agree with you it is the perfect length. I know this because it was only 3 paragraphs. The writer had the right amount of paragraphs. It is very important because you should never have too long of a story or else you might loose the reader. I know that you wouldn't
t want that.
I think that the story, "Man in the Desert" was a VERY well written and well developed story. There was an unbelievable amount of description in the story, and I enjoyed it very much. It was not to short or to long, but I think that the writing could have flowed together more. Some of the sentences I read, but did not comprehend any of the words. That was the only iffy part of the story. Please, most more of these, I enjoy reading them! That is why I think that this was a very well written story.
I think that the story was well written and well developed. I loved how there was a lot of description and it was a great length. There were some parts that I could not understand but they was a great amount of detail and very descriptive. This is why I think this was a well written story.
@ Isabelle I agree with you because it is the perfect length, not to short or not to long. I was able to read it well and understand it. It was only 3 paragraphs long and it is important to never have a long story because you might lose the reader and you don't want that.
Like Ryan said I don’t think that you think that anything is perfect but yourself. It might be a good idea but on the other hand, it might not be. I think that you don’t give everyone a chance and might not give us a good idea. You think that you are "perfect" but no one is. This is why I don't think that this is a good idea
@Muffin Man 101
I disagree with you. This is because I like the concept that the story takes place in the middle of the dessert with no background. This is because it gives the story flexibility and imagination. The story does not force everyone to read it the same way. Someone might think that he ended up in the desert because he lost a bet and another might think that he was the only one that survived a plane crash and these creative opinions give the story depth and that is what I really enjoy about it.
I think this short story was very well written. This is because it had a lot of author's craft. He used multiple triplets and many descriptive segments and I really enjoyed the mystery of why he was in the desert in the first place. All in all, I think this was a great short story.
I disagree with Ryan because you don't really think no one is perfect but you, otherwise you wouldn't post lots of student pieces. According to Ryan, you're all perfect and no one else is but then why put student pieces on your website if those pieces aren't perfect also. So, Ryan, Mr. Horvath doesn't think that he is the only perfect one otherwise he would have never posted all those student pieces.
I think that this is a good addition because then we can get feedback for something that we may not have known if it were good or not.
@ Ryan I disagree with you because Mr. Horvath is just trying to give us constructive criticism and your comment is being counter-productive
This is good because the story isnt too long because if you mske it to long it drags on and on and on and gets boring this the reader reads just the right amount
@LittleMonster1028
I agree with you beause its a nice short story and its readable
@Ryan
I disagree with you that it is pointless to put up our best work under "Student Work" because, the whole point of it is to improve our writing plus it is optional. You wrote "why would we do that? we would just get bad feedback from you becuase "perfect" reley means perfect with you and no one is." The point of putting work underneath student work is to get constructive criticism on it. Students who are serious about their writing will not be offended if someone gives them feedback to improve their story. Also, the whole thing is optional, it is not mandatory for you to put up a piece of writing. Before you completely block out the slightest idea of having peers and teachers critiquing your piece or start accusing teachers that they will immediately tell you your story is not a good piece of writing,think of the people who actually want to progress in their writing skills. Therefore, since this "activity" is for people who are serious about improving their writing, and is optional, I completely disagree with you that it is a waste to put up our own writing pieces.
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